Beneath the fire is where I live
I am ember’d under your magnificence
I don’t want to be seen by you
But I know I should
I clench my teeth
And trap my eyes
And lean into obedience, the way my mother taught me
I am the ant among your giant
The sand that dips within your hourglass
The shiner of your crown
And yet my spine can’t turn when they spit upon your cross
But I watch when the saliva rises in my own mouth
God Help Me
Make me big good
Good, and big and man
A big man with bones that can stretch as far as my sentences when I’m caught in a lie
And arms that make me hug my enemies
(****)
Your Kingdom come
But at what cost
I love that you’re a God that once felt forsaken
And a man who could build altars
But never had to use His hands
Only maybe the crevices of your cheeks
Or the bending of your palms
I pray that I see that I am yours before my days are done
So here I stand tonight
Sniffing nostalgias odor
With a broken psalm in a sweaty palm
I remember my innocence
And then I laugh and consult myself
The Chief of Sinners that hides behind the rocks I carry
I was never innocent
And yet you still favor me
But it’s hard to follow you
A man I kind of know
I am so hungry
And yet I refuse your manna
So I try to make it myself
But I don’t know how your yeast truly yields
How your love never ceases
You’re a God I don’t fully trust (****)
But a stranger who I so dearly love
But here’s the thing:
And Lord, I hope its true...
Whatever course you chart
Whatever winds you plead
My heart betrays north, my heart follows you
(****)